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i am only a lonely human [Sep. 26th, 2005|05:50 pm]
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[mood |discontentdiscontent]
[music |nicholas reading his chapel book]

so today my roommate received a package with food and an umbrella, my boyfriend received a package with food, a cd, and money, while i open my mailbox to find a large envelop from my mother with a spin magazine and a letter telling my how concerned she is with my drinking.

this stems mainly from that wonderful night when i called her sobbing at 2am, drunk as a mule (or a fox, as michael would say). i don't remember much of the conversation, just that i asked her about the cats and told her i hated it here (at conn) all while trying to catch my breath and wipe the tears that were rapidly streaming down my face.

no, i do not black out often. in fact, almost never. i am hard pressed to think of another time. i understand that this can be a sign of problem drinking. i was particularly unhappy that evening, and foolishly decided to medicate myself with mgd and jd. hey, i am only human.

i miss my intelligent friends. they are not only book smart, but most have the bravery to be curious about the world we live in. i think of allie, maddy, sophie, and chelsea especially. we walk around the city in the blistering heat, the biting cold, and icey rain, and the scorching sun and meet new people, and hear and see new things. we love all types of music, people, ideas.....................the lack of diversity in culture (both public and private) here is suffocating. i can sometimes breathe despite it's grip around my throat, but when i'm sitting in my room on a rainy monday evening, the choking sensation is almost unbearable..............
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: [info]_empyrean_
2005-09-26 05:46 pm (UTC)

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kate i understand every word of what you just wrote so deeply, im taken aback reaslly. I could have written that entry. I find solice mostly in being exhausted from swimming all the time. And when i get drunk, after Ive hooked up with a silly frat boy, i like to be alone and cry... i guess thats diff than calling ur mom... but its for the same reasons. Are you home oct 1-5?
xoxooxox
feel better
call me anytime your down
allie